It is always interesting to see how people react when I tell them I am a divorce attorney. They generally ask me for juicy stories, what I have learned doing what I do, or some ask for business cards and let me know they have a friend who may need to speak to me. Every now and again, I meet someone who is more curious and will ask me a more direct question about divorce. Each person’s situation is unique, and the law is more complex than just the answers below, but these are the five questions I get asked more than any others when out and about:

1. How do I separate from my spouse? Well, in Virginia, a separation occurs when you form the intent to be permanently separated, convey that intent to the other party, and physically separate, even if in the same home, by sleeping in separate bedrooms and not acting like a married couple in your day-to-day life. There is no formal document that needs to be filed - really, it is all about intentions and following through on that intent. This is a big decision, though, and you should really think it through and talk with an attorney before you do it!

2. How can I pay my bills until I can get into court? Depending on the financial circumstances of your marriage and incomes of both parties, you may be able to get temporary spousal and/or child support, direct payment of marital bills, and, potentially, money to help you pay some of your legal bills until a court can hear your case for a final trial. In Virginia, they call it Pendente Lite relief.

3. What is considered marital property? We are not a community property state. Generally, all property, be it physical, such as a home; tangible, such as your pet; or intangible, such as bank accounts and retirement, that is acquired, or money paid into from earnings during the marriage, is at least partly marital. On the other hand, money that you get as a gift to you solely, or from an inheritance, or that you owned prior to marriage, is generally not marital property (there are caveats to this we can discuss, though.)

4. Marriage counseling didn’t work; we’ve tried everything; I want a divorce; what’s next? Not in all cases, but you usually need to wait until you have grounds to file a no-fault divorce (one year of separation; six months if no children, and you have a full settlement agreement) and file for divorce, but in the meantime, you can work on settling your case through mediation or agreements with which an attorney can assist. (I mediate and represent private clients.)  But again, all cases are different. A good attorney will give you all the information you need on the next steps and decisions and discuss your goals with you to help you make a plan.

5. What things should I do/not do in the interim? I always tell people to start gathering financial documents such as taxes and account statements, either electronically or on paper and make sure you are aware of what assets there are and where they are located. I also tell people to be careful what they send in writing. Things like a Dear John letter, emails to a friend, a late-night drunk message to that guy from high school often come back up in court and can be things you have to provide during the divorce in the discovery process.

As always, if you have questions about family law, estate planning, or business matters in Virginia, we are here for you at every stage that you might need an attorney. This includes significant life changes, setting up and managing a business, or planning for the future.

For more information about Family First Law, please visit our website, www.familyfirstlawvirginia.com.